Over Three Dark Hours Of Boredom | Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake Audiobook Review

Title: Three Dark Crowns
Author: Kendare Blake
Format: Audiobook
Narrator: Amy Landon
Running Time: 9 hours, 52 minutes
Publisher: HarperAudio
My Star Rating: DNF/★☆☆☆☆

Goodreads Summary: Every generation on the island of Fennbirn, a set of triplets is born: three queens, all equal heirs to the crown and each possessor of a coveted magic. Mirabella is a fierce elemental, able to spark hungry flames or vicious storms at the snap of her fingers. Katharine is a poisoner, one who can ingest the deadliest poisons without so much as a stomachache. Arsinoe, a naturalist, is said to have the ability to bloom the reddest rose and control the fiercest of lions.
But becoming the Queen Crowned isn’t solely a matter of royal birth. Each sister has to fight for it. And it’s not just a game of win or lose…it’s life or death. The night the sisters turn sixteen, the battle begins. The last queen standing gets the crown.

If only it was that simple. Katharine is unable to tolerate the weakest poison, and Arsinoe, no matter how hard she tries, can’t make even a weed grow. The two queens have been shamefully faking their powers, taking care to keep each other, the island, and their powerful sister Mirabella none the wiser. But with alliances being formed, betrayals taking shape, and ruthless revenge haunting the queens’ every move, one thing is certain: the last queen standing might not be the strongest…but she may be the darkest.

Man! The hype sure has scorched me on multiple occasions this year! You'd think that by now I'd have learned my lesson but apparently not as I keep getting my hopes up. This time around I was promised darkness, death, and destruction--you know, all of the delightful D's. And were those things delivered? Sadly, the answer is a firm no.

Though synopsis of Three Dark Crowns promises antiheroes and deadly duels, for at least the first 60% of the book, none of those are present (and I stopped reading after that). Instead we get three surprisingly kind main characters fawning over their incredibly dull love interests! And the misleading marketing is only the beginning of my problems with Three Dark Crowns! In fact, the misleading marketing looks downright trivial when compared to the fact that there was literally no plot and that the characters were incredibly shallow.

I made it about 6 hours through this approximately 10 hour audiobook and there still hadn't been an inch of plot yet! The only thing that took place was each girl mooning over her respective love interest. And the thing is, none of the love interests were interesting or compelling. They only defining trait they all had was the distinct quality of "blah". But that's not the point of this paragraph. The point is that nothing happened during the majority of the book!

Maybe you're okay with plotless books, so long as there are compelling characters. Then let me tell you, my friend: this book is not for you either. I was drawn in to this book by the promise of darkness, depth, evil, and moral complexity. LIES! LIES, I TELL YOU!!! Arsinoe, Katherine, and Mirabella aren't just ridiculously nice, they're also insanely bland. None of the girls had any defining traits or personality. I swear, they were so interchangeable that if you took away their names, you'd be hard pressed to convince me I wasn't listening to a book about a single person.

Speaking of listening, in all honesty the only thing I remember about the audiobook and the narration is how bland, unremarkable, and, frankly, unmemorable it was. The narrator wasn't horrible and her voice wasn't unpleasant, but it carried no weight or emotion and had no musicality. I'd say the audiobook format of Three Dark Crowns is most likely equally as pleasant as the physical format.

All in all, this was not the book for me. I'd say don't go in expecting evil and fights to the death and maybe then it'll be more enjoyable.